Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 18 May 2011

image for Jersey Shore Snookie's Mugshot Finally Released to Press
"No, no dear. Pull your hands away from your face for a proper photo"

Following her original arrest in 2010 and a frantic effort by her publicist to hold back New Jersey police bookiing photos, the reality show potty mouth who calls herself Snookie got more attention today when her bad-hair day police photo was pirated and strewn across the internet.

Though her self appointed celebrity name is more street than legal, the Police didn't bother to research her real name further. Why you ask? Because everything we really need to know about Snookie can be obtained in 4 minutes after accidentally stopping on the show, "Jersey Shore", while on your way to some much better programming, say, on the Home Shopping Network.

Picking just about any episode, one can see her stumble into a room with big hair, tight shorts, a push up bra, a cigarette in her left hand, a drink in her right and a bevy of four letter words spewing from her mouth, replaced quite liberally with censored monotone beeps. Celebrity, really? As if behaving like a spoiled and drunk five year old with a Rockefeller-esque sense of entitlement were enough to warrant the public's love, she keeps popping up in the news, on talk shows or wherever her publicist can book her.

Lotta B. Esson, a TV Guide critic asks, "But why is she popular? What talent does she possess? What does she do? What has she done? Apart from asassanating the English lanuage, that is".

Then again, wait a minute. That formula did seem to work pretty well for weasel-boy Spencer Pratt and that vapid, surgically enhanced wife of his. "It ultimately became an exercise for them, without any real talent to fall back on, to remain in the public eye", says Esson. Esson appears to be correct. We care so little about them now that we've actually forgotten their names, as we will Snookie's.

I guess you can always fall back on that teenage, high school truism that "everybody likes a party girl", for a few hours anyway. After that, the reality is that Ms. Jersey Shore is simply annoying.

Nice hair, by the way. Apparently you forgot to brush it out during the booking and before the mug shot.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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