Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Wednesday, 18 May 2011

image for British Soap Awards 2011 - TV Extravaganza

ITV is expecting massive viewing figures tonight for their screening of the British Soap awards.

Advertising revenues from the event could help to rescue the broadcaster's bottom line this quarter so they have pulled out all the stops.

The two-hour extravaganza is to be presented by popular white-maned host Phillip Schofield and Coronation Street star Jane Danson.

Said an ITV spokesman: "We're very excited about this advertising opportunity. It's a huge event and we've thrown the kitchen sink at it - they don't get much bigger than the Scofe!"

EIF News & Features TV critic Nefertiti Bodice, previews the event...

"Wow! How exciting! I can't wait. I've got a nice bottle of plonk and some choccies lined up... the old man's going down the pub and the kids will be tucked up in bed.

"I'm expecting this to be the year of the handwash and I'm putting my money on Baylis & Harding Mosaic French Lavender to win the Best Overall category.

"As usual, the Bar Soap award looks like being a straight fight between Cusson's Imperial Leather and Dove Fresh Touch - but watch out for Wright's Coal Tar... I think that's a bit of wild card this year..."

(Oh, for crying out loud! You're fired - ed).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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