Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 15 May 2011

image for Britney Spears Clearly Shows That She Just Ain't The Same Old Britney Spears
Britney Spears shown at The La Brea Tar Pits before she ballooned up to 219 pounds.

LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live and showed the entire viewing audience that the person that everyone once knew as Britney Spears has certainly left the building.

Spears appeared on stage with a dozen or so dancers and moved around as if in slow motion. And she has reverted back to her lip syncing affliction which got her thrown out of Australia last year.

Britney was wearing a green saloon girl outfit that clearly showcased what weathermen refer to a 'thunder thighs' as she sang her new song "Till The World Ends" off her new album Femme Fatale.

Spears actually seemed more like an overweight high school cheerleader doing some cheerleading routines than the concert super star many recall her once being.

The once popular singer's hair looked like it could use a shampoo conditioner because as La Spears danced and pranced all over the stage her hair did not move an inch. It was as if it was paraffin hair.

Britney's manager made it very clear to the show's cameramen that they were not to show Ms. Spears mouth because that way it would not show that the words and her mouth movement were not anywhere near coordinated or in sync if you will.

A long time Britney Spears fan Bree Tickletruck, 19, who sat in the front row said that she and her great grandmother Millian Gertrude Tickletruck, 99, had hitchhiked all the way down from Fresno to see Britney's performance and they were both very disappointed.

And although Britney Spears is still not quite in the same sad category as Whitney Houston it is somewhat sad to see the once loud and proud blonde bombshell now reduced to being slow, tired, and visibly out of breath.

Bree and her great grandmother both said that they could hear Spears huffing and puffing from where they were sitting. Millian Gertrude noted that at one point she swears she heard Britney say eff this shit.

Another fan Juliet Fanny Vinshielder of Avocado Heights remarked that both Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson are both suffering from the same affliction...its called eating enough for two people.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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