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Friday, 13 May 2011

image for Bum Rage Erupts As Anneka Rice Insists She Had A Nicer Arse Than Pippa Middleton
Bum Rage? What's That All About?

A startling new phenomenon appears to have permeated celebrity circles, and the goss columnists are calling it "Bum Rage."

Apparently it started this afternoon when sources close to former 'Treasure Hunt' tight trousered helicopter woman, Anneka Rice, stated that Annie was furious about all the furore generated by Pippa Middleton's bottom.

'Treasure Hunt' featured two contestants dressed in 1980's clothing trying to solve a series of clues in order to 'find the treasure.'

Former television news reader Kenneth Kendall acted as some sort of studio based middle man, but in fairness to him, he did the job with an air of authority.

The Bum Rage controversy arose when Anneka Rice - who won the coveted 'Rear Of The Year' title went a bit mad over all the kerfuffle about Pippa Middleton's bum.

"Annie wasn't happy," a source said. "She reckons that her arse was much nicer back in the 80's when she was clambering about in helicopters and legging it down streets waving a microphone and some A4 paper on a clipboard in people's faces, while asking them questions in a very shouty voice. She reckons her arse was way fitter than Pippa's, and that if the internet had been around back then, she'd have been a right arse sensation and no mistake. Shame about the smile though."

To add fuel to the fire, a pal of former Page 3 staple, Linda Lusardi said that the former bap flasher was infuriated by all the attention being heaped on Pippa's bottom. The pal said:

"Back in the day, Linda had one of the nicest arses in the world. Pippa could never have competed with it, and nor could Anneka. In fact, Linda's arse was so photogenic that to this day she keeps a photo of her arse in 1987 on her living room wall. And it's got water droplets on it. Anything else just doesn't stand up to comparison. Back in the day, Linda's was the definitive arse, and she's fuming about the recent fascination with arses because she feels that her arse has been overlooked. Or did she say, looked over? Whatever..."

The world's greatest arse expert, Jim Royal, of Middleton, Greater Manchester, adding fuel to the fire, today gave his verdict:

"Pippa Middleton's arse, my arse! Arse rage? My arse! There was no better arse around than my Barb's arse in its heyday. Although it was a long time ago, and working in a cake shop didn't help. Bum rage? Arse rage? My arse!"

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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