Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 13 May 2011

image for American Idol - The Favorite To Win It All James "Heavy Metal" Durbin Is Amazingly Voted Off The Show!
Jennifer Lopez relaxing in her American Idol dressing room. (Photo taken by Casey Abrams).

HOLLYWOOD - Backstage after the latest edition of American Idol had just eliminated James Durbin, Jennifer Lopez, who could not stop crying, hugged James and told him not to worry because he was going to be the next big super star.

J.Lo handed James a one hundred dollar bill and told him to take his wife out to The Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse in West Hollywood.

James with tears in his eyes thanked her and asked if she and her husband Mark (Anthony) would like to join him and his wife.

The woman whom People Magazine just named The Most Beautiful Woman in The World replied, "Hey why not. Heck yeah, Marky and I will go witcha."

The two remaining males James Durbin and North Carolina native Scott McCreery found themselves in the Bottom Two while the two remaining females Lauren "Peaches" Alaina and Haley "Ho Ho Ho" Reinhart were both sitting in the safe section.

Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson remarked backstage that he and J.Lo had both figured that Haley would be heading back to Wheeling, Illinois since she had done way too much screaming on one of her songs.

Steven "Lips" Tyler meanwhile said that the "Black Dawg" and "The Tush" must have been sniffing Chapstick fumes or something because Haley had kicked some big time a*s.

J.Lo told Tyler that he needed to shut his face because he was just an old dude who was starting to look eerily like 87-year-old Mick Jagger.

Tyler told Lopez that her grandmother looked like Jagger and her grandfather looked like Cloris Leachman.

Ryan "Peaches" tried to chime in but Tyler cut him off by saying that he needed to run and get all three judges some more Coca Cola.

So Durbin will now go on and become one of the years best new singers along with Pia Toscano.

American Idol is now down to three contestants; Scotty "Alfred E. Neuman" McCreery, Haley "Ho Ho Ho" Reinhart, and the industrial-sized version of Carrie Underwood, Lauren "Peaches" Alaina.

Haley Reinhart and castoff Casey Abrams are reportedly dating. Lauren is too young to date. And rumor has it that this week's American Idol mentor Lady Gaga came very close to molesting Scotty McCreery.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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