Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 12 May 2011

image for Taylor Lautner Wants To Buy A Whole Bunch Of Cuddlesome Rabbits
Pick Me Taylor Ya Bastid!

News just in from Hollywood suggests that Twilight heartthrob Taylor Lautner has been trucking around local pet stores looking to buy a whole bunch of rabbits to keep as pets in his Hollywood Hills mansion.

According to reports, Lautner has been looking at chinchilla rabbits, Australian Whites, Dutch rabbits, and even wild jackrabbits, having already purchased 300 rabbit hutches from a bespoke carpenter in Long Beach.

It isn't yet known where Lautner's fascination with rabbits first blossomed, but the goss appears to suggest that he was recently photographed lounging by the pool in his backyard reading a battered paperback copy of the late Richard Adams' 'Watership Down.'

In the book, a rabbit colony faces threat from a construction crew, and a brave few decide to make a run for it and leave the warren, looking for pastures new, while their mates get crushed to death under caterpillar tracks and that.

Lautner was thought to have found the book inspirational, and reportedly embarked on a crusade to preserve the world's rabbit population. Starting out with buying 300 rabbit hutches.

A spokesman for the World Wildlife Fund said that if Lautner wanted to preserve endangered species, he'd be better investing some money in saving snow leopards in the Himalayas, or gorillas in the mountains of Rwanda.

"Rabbits aren't really an endangered species," a spokesman said. "They'll never become an endangered species, if only by virtue of the fact that they breed like fucking rabbits. These reports are either a complete fabrication, or Taylor Lautner is as nutty as a fucking fruit cake."

One Taylor Lautner fan, standing forlornly on the corner of Sunset and Vine dressed in a werewolf outfit, told Skoob Entertainment News:

"I think it's cute that Taylor wants to save the wabbits. I have a gerbil and two hamsters at home in a cage in the backyard, and I don't know what the heck I'd do if anything happened to them. It's all very well people going on about snow leopards and gorillas and shit, but they ain't in the USA so it's somebody else's problem. Same as global warming and the financial crisis. Dude."

More as we get it...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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