The hat is off the jimmy: Aerosmith's singer Steven Tyler's penis will become the second judge on American Idol next season, once Latina meatbag Jennifer Lopez is unceremoniously fired at the end of this season.
"My soldier is makin' a move," said Tyler, referring to his c-ck in the third person. "And when spaghetti hits the service entrance and the ripe is off the cucumber, it'll be all over in the clover like Rover in Dover."
Tyler's penis, which was revealed to be a sentient being on the season finale of CSI:NY, when it starred as Justin Bieber's stunt double. And, at 48 inches long at full-mast, it is taller than Simon Cowell.
"We don't understand a f--king thing Steven says," said Idol bikini-babe Ryan Seacrest. "But his penis is witty, charming, engaging, and knows a lot more about the music industry than Jennifer Lopez ever will."