Written by Sapphire
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Friday, 6 May 2011

Miss Piggy now crowned the infamous "Duchess of Pork" today finally revealed to the world why she blackmailed the Royals.

It was terrible! I thought I was the Lovechild of Prince Charles & Camilla. They gave me away when I was born.

All my life, in my heart, I have wanted to know who my parents were. So with the help of JIGSAW PUZZLE we were able to put the pieces together.

I approached my biological parents and they tried to deny it. I demanded DNA Testing. They refused.

BUT this situation is irrefutable. I have Charles ears and a love for talking to plants, Camilla's nose, waistline, royal delusions of grandeur and a love for all things diamond.

I finally said to them if they did not acknowledge me as their lovechild, and give me the title of "The Duchess of Pork", I would bring down the Monarchy.

They scoffed at me and laughed in my face. Then I told them I had a photo of Prince Charles paying off someone in "The Establishment" and notes with the name of Princess Diana and a Paris Tunnel.

They went green and said they would confer with the Queen. Having done so, I received my royal title and DNA was conducted.

I am the daughter of Prince Charles. I am also the daughter of one of the Maids at Buckingham Palace who is related to Camilla in unsavoury associations.

CAMILLA has since divorced Prince Charles. Prince Charles has abdicated his position of 1st in line to the Throne.

Sipping her champagne on one of the beautiful sofas in her new estate home "the Duchess of Pork" said she would also like to be known as the "Princess of Abandoned Hearts" in order to help others suffering a similar fate to her.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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