Written by Eurocleese De Zouch
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Topics: pie, Eamonn Holmes

Friday, 6 May 2011

Shocked Sky News viewers were appalled to see Eamonn Holmes cough up an entire pie during this morning's 8.32am bulletin.

Charlotte Hawkins had to swing her head in earnest, to make sure that she missed the Steak and Ale pie blast, although it did briefly blind official Hitler biographer Jai O'Barry square in the eye, who was sitting next to Charlotte.

Eamonn declared that the pie, devoured during the previous evening's pie binge was indeed, eaten whole. He later stated that he can consume large sections of food by unhinging his jaw, much like his pet Snake, Trevor.

After witnessing such appallingness, viewers started to ring Sky News's contact centre, which, due to massive cutbacks, is now located up a tree in a racist's back garden in Margate.

One viewer, declared only as "Sharon", a Pigeon factory worker from Arnold said "Eamonn, it looks as if it's gone horrifically pie shaped for you, you big graphic idiot"..

Another gawker, who want to remain listless, tweeted "I used to respect you Eamonn, but now you've gone and pulled this stunt, I've gone back to stalking Eddie "the Eagle" Edwards instead. You rampant spoiler."

During an appearance on the woeful "This Morning" with his meandering wife, he did briefly touch on the earlier ugly scenes, and admitted that he does occasionally spray Elderly ladies with jet of pie juices whilst wearing some rather bold lederhosen.

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