Written by Neil Levine
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Thursday, 20 October 2005

image for Paris Hilton Exposed By Queens Of Hollywood
When In Paris

Paris, France---For reasons beyond her years, Paris Hilton is in hot water with Shirley MacLaine and Shirley Temple (Black).


Says MacLaine, "Anybody can wear pink and go blond. Actresses often get total make overs that turn them into something else entirely for a new role. Where is the drama in cosmetics and fashion statements? I mean that is not an active life style approach."


Shirley Temple threw extra criticism at her for being a scene stealer and lacking finesse. "Waxen hair and chic dresses fly on the runway but are not considered items that require innate talent. That comes from deep within and are hard to fake unlike the ability to slink around in a skimpy dress which is not a natural skill."


"Let her prove her true value in the market place of Hollywood talent," MacLaine agreed.


"Even her perfume lacks real world appeal. It has peaches but no cream; apples, but no sauce. Nectar but no honey. I mean where is her sense of smell? Doesn't she know you can't mix apples and spice?"


Shirley Temple went on, "Her breakup with Paris Paris Latkes Latsis also does not impress me. Just because he does not have a job is no reason to dump him. Rich boys never work. All they do is look pretty driving Ferraris. Doesn't she know that?"


"No wonder Fox canceled the ‘Simple Life.'" There was no basis in reality. Paris is not really real about the basics."

By dint of having her ear to the rumor mill, Paris has caught wind of the sniping by her dramatic elders and has sought to reply as best she can. "I like cosmetics in colors that highlight my fairness and always make sure I show up pinkly in the stage light. It helps me put on a good act."


"Of course, I wear nice dresses. I like dressing to a fault. What else can I do? I don't think pedal pushers are appropriate for a young lady of a certain age."


"And my tastes in men are very, very rich. If you really must know. How else can I show I am worth a visit to Hilton headquarters."


Her bud, Nicole Richie, tries to console her, "Our day will come. A white knight in a gold Rolls will drive up to our doorstep and throw the door open for us to hop in and cruise the Champs Elysees."


"Just because the boys at Fox changed their minds doesn't mean we can't shop our goodies elsewhere."


"I'm sure I'll be seeing people in all the old familiar places. Just wait for our sequel, ‘Riche girls go wild.'"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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