Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 5 May 2011

image for Lindsay Lohan Announces That Her 'Muffin' Will Soon Be Freckle-Free
Lindsay Lohan outside the Los Angeles County Courthouse. (Photo courtesy of Charlie Sheen).

HOLLYWOOD - Lindsay Lohan has resigned herself to the fact that she is headed back to the "Big House."

Lohan, 24, was recently sentenced to be incarcerated for 120 days in The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women in Los Angeles for stealing a necklace, littering, and for peeing on the sand at Venice Beach.

Her attorney Shawtessa "Jolly" Holley stated to the news media that everyone can see that Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Stephanie "The Shark" Sautner is merely picking on her client (Lindsay Lohan) simply because she is a very sexually attractive young lady who just happens to have a sweet looking little a*s (bu*t).

Judge Sautner said that this will be the fourth time that Miss Lohan finds herself incarcerated at Z.Z. Gabor. She even remarked that she heard that the cafeteria dietitian has even named a food item after Lohan - it is called The Lindsay Lohan 12-Inch El Lay Wiener Hot Dog.

She then noted that for Ms. Holley to say that Miss Lohan is being picked on is about as stupid, dumb, and ignorant as saying that Sarah "Crosshairs" Palin would make a good president simply because she can be sitting in a state-owned helicopter with a high-powered telescopic rifle and shoot a moose who is in the process of giving birth.

Lohan's attorney asked Judge Sautner if her client could have two extra days before heading to prison so that she can keep an appointment with Dr. Winthrop Z. Hobbfellow one of the West Coast's foremost freckle removing doctors.

Dr. Hobbfellow is supposed to remove a total of 800 freckles.

Judge Sautner said that she would allow Dr. Hobbfellow to enter Z.Z. Gabor Prison and perform his freckle removing procedure there.

Ms. Holley informed the judge that she had misunderstood her and that the 800 freckles that were going to be removed from Lindsay Lohan were not on her face, neck, arms, legs, and back but instead on her pink palace (wissy pissy).

The judge became quite incensed and told Ms. Holley that she was through talking and that Lohan could either get the pubic region freckles removed in prison or else she could just live with them until she gets out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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