Written by Jalapenoman
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Tuesday, 3 May 2011

image for Mockingbird Sings, So Woman Doesn't Get Diamond Ring
Hmmm, a bird or a diamond ring?

A woman in Montreal is upset with her husband due to his recent present to her of a mockingbird for her birthday. When she received the gift, her spouse promised Elaine Tucker that "it won't sing." He also told her that if it fulfilled this condition (of not singing), he would purchase her a diamond ring. He was apparently attempting to fulfill the conditions of an old Carly Simon tune and find an excuse to give his wife a greater gift.

The mockingbird, however, has discovered that it has a voice, a rather loud one, and is choosing to use it to inform the world of its captivity within the confines of her house (a cage in the living room, to be slightly more exact).

Mrs. Tucker, at this point, is advertising for anyone skilled in the art of "shutting up this damned bird." It seems that the birthday present was given by her husband on his way out of town on business and "he doesn't know that the screechy caw that is keeping the whole neighborhood awake at night."

Should she be able to silence the mockingbird, through surgery or some other means, Elaine hopes to have gold and diamonds around one of her fingers shortly. "I'm willing to pay for anyone who can help me with this!"

Takers will please contact her at her home on Cheshire Avenue. Just follow the loud cawing sounds to find the right house!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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