Written by mikewadestr
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Monday, 2 May 2011

A very, very drunk Lindsay Lohan was leaving a Venice, California bar at closing time when she suddenly stumbled and fell down spilling out the contents of her purse. When the purse hit the floor, an estimated 100 Get out of Jail Free cards spilled out of it.

In a mad scramble, a number of patrons began helping themselves to the scattered cards, but were stopped by members of the Venice Police Department, who had just finished breaking up a fight that had started minutes earlier.

"Boy, it is just sickening how people just take advantage of such a fine individual as Lindsay Lohan", said Venice Police Sergeant Donnie LaBeatEm. "We had to beat the crap out of them with our batons because the batteries were low on our stun guns. We ended up arresting thirty of those scumbags. They will all be charged with felonies, that is, when they end up getting out of the hospital and from the look of it, that's going to be a while".

"Thank goodness we recovered all of those Get out of Jail Free cards. Those things must be worth a fortune".

When someone mentioned that 30 people stealing the cards in a crowded bar did seem like a high number seeing that not many people would be able to get to them considering how packed the place was, LeBeatEm answered:

"Well, actually, only 7 people ended up taking any of the cards, but, hey it is better to be safe than sorry. Our job is to beat the crap out of as many of them as we can and arrest them. We'll leave it to the court system to sort out who's guilty and who's not".

In an interview with the sheriff of the Los Angeles County jail, someone asked him if he released Lohan from jail each time when she presented him with one of her Get out of Jail Free cards, he responded: "Hell, it's a Get out of Jail Free card. What else am I suppose to do?"

When it was pointed out that all of the Get out of Jail Free cards had been taken from Monopoly games, the sheriff rolled his eyes and answered exasperatedly: "It's was a Get out of Jail Free card! DUUHHHH!!!". He then slapped his hand to his forehead and finished by shouting out: "HELLLOOOOO!!!"

Lohan was asked the next day if she thought she was above everybody else because she could use the Get out of Jail Free cards to get out of jail, while it would not work for anyone else, she flippantly replied: "Paris Hilton gets to carry a bunch of Drive Like an Idiot Free cards, so why can't I have a bunch of Get out of Jail Free cards".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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