Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 15 October 2005

image for Natalie Portman of Star Wars Films Clones Herself
Five of the clones in a Hollywood park

Natalie Portman was a star in three of the recent Star Wars films playing Padme Amidala, former Queen and Senator from Naboo and love interest of Anakin Skywalker. She siezed upon and idea and the technology from "Attack of the Clones" decided to clone herself a few years ago.

"Sure, it was a radical idea," she said, "But I think it will be great for my career."

"Shooting on a set can be brutal for your body because of the long days and lack of sleep. If there are five or six of me, at least one of us can be there around the clock. This will help cut costs if we have to go on location. Also, the second unit director can be shooting with me in Brazil while I am working with the main director on a soundstage in Hollywood. It is a win/win situation for everyone."

"There would not be time wasted waiting for costume changes or make-up changes or lunch breaks, because one of me would always be ready to go."

When asked if all of the clones were exactly the same physically Portman said that "they are. I decided it would be best that way for filming. I was going to make one of me taller and another one of me with bigger breasts and another one left handed just for fun, but I decided not to. They would not make good stand ins and so it just wouldn't have worked out."

"I was going to make one male clone just to keep around the house, because no one knows better than me what gives me pleasure, but I decided not to. It just seemed to cheap and self satisfying, and I am not that shallow."

Asked if there were any other benefits to the cloning besides in film, Portman answered "Yes, a lot of them. Look, if I'm seeing Orlando Bloom, I can also be seeing Ashton Kutchner, a Dodger's player, the UCLA quarterback, and the weather guy from channel 7 without cheating on any of them. Not only would my picture dominate the tabloids, but imagine the orgies we could have! I can fulfill any man's fantasies all by myselves!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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