Strange reports are beginning to emerge from the palace twenty four hours after the royal bash.
A guest, with an insatiable appetite for publicity and a blind ignorance of her own stupidity, broke cover on her facebook page. She reported that the queen appeared "a bit tiddly" and that everyone had been "ordered to keep quiet and threatened with the Tower" if they didn't.
Apparently, at the end of the bash the queen stood up and, following royal protocol, the guests stood too. This seemed to amused her majesty and she sat down again. Everyone followed suit. She immediately stood up again but staggered slightly and had to sit down again. Again the sheep followed. Members of her family surrounded her with servants hovering closely.
More details swiftly followed after the pregnant mother of three "don't tell anyone who I am" blog on her own facebook page. The royal doctor was summoned amid conflicting reports that Prince Philip "forcibly held her down in her chair" and "put his hand over her mouth to shut her up." The queen was eventually led away, surrounded by servants.
The guests were then treated to a five minute diatribe by Philip warning of "dire consequences, heads will roll, the official secrets act, treason, the Tower," before he ran down and the guests were allowed to leave.
Another guest reported he overheard the doctor say to Philip: This is your best chance in years mate, get yourself in there," as he handed Philip some blue tablets. "Bugger that," Philip is alleged to have replied. "There's only one lass worth shagging tonight even if I have to go sloppy seconds after Harry."
This didn't go as Philip planned. He barged into the room where Harry was already on the job with Pippa. In his excitement and without his glasses he hit the wrong hole and it was Harry who met Philip. Harry was seen staggering out of the room the next morning muttering to himself, "I think I might really be ginger. I have to see if its as good with someone who's alive," as he hurried slightly bow legged to Prince Edwards room with Philip in hot pursuit clutching a bag of blue pills.
"Absolute nonsense." A palace spokesman quite rightly said.