Written by Honey West
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Saturday, 30 April 2011

image for James Middleton To Be The New Bond
No More Funny Costumes For James!

Hollywood, CA - After watching the stunningly suave Bible reading given by James Middleton at the royal wedding of his sister Kate, casting agents in Hollywood and the UK have confirmed it is a "done deal" that he will be the new face of Bond - James Bond. He'll take the lead as the sexy rexy super spy with the ladykiller accent in the upcoming blockbuster, "On Her Majesty's Secret Maid Service."

James is reported to be "exceptionally thrilled, in a King James Bible sort of way". He presented a typically Brit air of priggish nonchalance when interviewed at the Beverly Hills hotel, where he had jetted with several squirrel hunting pals immediately after the royal blow out.

Already getting into the role by wearing the identical sharpass Bond type suit he appeared in at the royal wedding, he looked the very picture of uppercrust self-assurance and spoiled-ness.

When asked if he preferred it "shaken" or "stirred" he laughed a peculiar little laugh and said, "Neither - I like it shot up all bloody and held up for photos". Assembled reporters did not inquire further as to the meaning of this remark, but it seemed to fit with the dashing and mysterious Bond persona he will soon be taking on.

"I can hardly wait to get my filthy rich hands on some American tail", referring to Beyonce, who will co-star with him as the new Bond Girl, "Bootylicious Pussylicious".

Studio executives have assigned a "handler" to insure James Bond Middleton doesn't dress up as a nancy boy maid while off set. "If we can keep him in men's clothes, everything will be okay. Hopefully. Fingers crossed. "

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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