Written by IainB
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Friday, 29 April 2011

image for Media coverage of the Royal Wedding "adequate"
News Reporters in Russia being filmed by the BBC to see how they report news on the BBC's coverage

The television coverage of the Royal Wedding began five hours prior to the wedding, and continued for the rest of the day across just about every channel.

Such was the scrabbling for angles that hadn't already been covered that the channels were showing how the other channels were covering the wedding.

"ITV showed a montage of several channels," said media watcher Terry Vizien, "Including the BBC and Sky, which ITV viewers could have watched anyway, if they wanted. I was waiting for one of the sections of montage to show Sky showing ITV showing Sky."

The BBC had not one or two reporters in Bucklebury, the home of Kate Middleton, but six. With them rapidly running out of points to make, they took to asking whether Kate would have enjoyed the meal, the cake, the car ride.

"How is that news?" asked Vizien. "Some housewife in a village thinks Kate probably enjoyed her day. Wow. Next they'll be telling us Ricky Martin is gay."

The BBC fortunately had Hu Edwards, master of the waffle, to fill in for the hours of waiting that occurs on any wedding day. Other channels were not so lucky, and had to resort to filling in the gaps with recaps of the waiting that had already occurred.

"At least after the ceremony they had the balcony kisses to show endlessly," said Vizien. "I think they said two kisses. By my count, by eight pm, they were up to a thousand."

The BBC dragged celebrity after celebrity that had not been invited to the wedding itself, to gauge their opinion on everything from street party food to Kate's gait up the aisle. Analysis of the way she held her father's hand, how Prince William drove and the attachment of the veil; there was nothing the channels left unanalysed. There were no lip-readers available in the rest of the country as the TV channels had them all glued to the happy couple, the parents and every even slightly well-known person in the congregation.

"What has amazed me," said Vizien, "is how the continuous coverage has managed to be continuous without seemingly trying too hard. I guess the News 24 channels have taught news companies quite a lot in how to pad and fill."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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