All great things must come to an end: The British Empire has shriveled like a penis in ice-water, any lasting heretosexuality in the body of Hugh Grant is as dead as his movie career, and NBC's The Office says good-bye to the entire f--king gimmick on which the show is built; TV's Michael Scott, Steve Carell.
"TV is limiting me, I need to focus on my movie career," says Carell, repeating his career-terminating last words of everyone from Farrah Fawcett ("Charlie's Angels") to Suzanne Somers ("Three's Company") to David Caruso ("NYPD Blue") to Shannen Doherty (TWICE: "Beverly Hills 90210? and "Charmed." Dumbass). "I wish the rest of the cast... um... yeah, I don't give a sh-t.
Replacing Carell is another man who knows his way around quitting lucrative TV gigs; former Saturday Night Live buffoon Will Ferrell.
"I got away from 'SNL' just before it sank. I was like Rose in Titanic, floating on a door. What was the deal with her, anyway? She couldn't have scooched over and let DiCaprio on the door? Hell, half of the Florida Marlins bullpen floated to the United States on a door half that size. Wanna hear me do convicted Unabomber Ted Kaczynski? Pay attention to me!"
"I think I am the perfect fit for the show's last season," said Ferrell. "Wait, did I say that out loud? Sh-t. Well, I'm sure Mindy Kaling will get work on 'Outsourced'."