Reports filtering through the bilge pumps suggest that the real reason Prince William was attracted to Kate Middleton is that she bears more than a passing resemblance to 'Twilight' star Kristen Stewart.
Especially in 'New Moon.'
Sources told us that the Prince has long been a fan of the Twilight saga, and that he thinks Kate is a bit of a ringer for Kristen.
"By jove, yes!" ex-school chum Tristan DeVere chortled. "Old Willsy boy has always had a bit of a slow burn on for the delectable Kristen, and Kate's almost a ringer. By the blimmin' cringe, he struck oil with that filly."
Some critics say that the Kate Middleton/Kristen Stewart comparison is a load of old exploitative nonsense which doesn't really deserve airtime.
They probably have a point.
More as we make it up.