Written by Honey West
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Wednesday, 27 April 2011

image for Reese Witherspoon: "Yeah, I'm Into Bondage"
This crap is not what Reese wants

Hollywood, CA - America's Sweetheart and favorite chick flick blond has come clean about what she likes in the bedroom. And it isn't Water For Elephants.

"Me and my ex Ryan (Mr. Phillippe-Witherspoon) broke up for way different reasons than everyone assumed. "

Apparently Ryan was too nice for the hardcore bondage latex and leather loving Ms. Witherspoon.

"I mean, Ryan was just way too romantic for me. He was always buying Hallmark cards, flowers, ooshy sunset by the sea pictures and stuff. He bought me a puppy one time and a teddy bear. It's like, ya know, I'm not into it. I wanted straight up rough action and he couldn't deliver. I like to get down and freaky."

The end for the couple came one steamy, frustrating night when Reese threw a shoe across the room, hitting Phillipe in the crotch. "He has no balls. I hate guys with no balls. I have balls. I get stuff done in Hollywood. For real. Why do you think I wanted to ride an elephant in my new flick? Total turn on."

Reese claims she threw the shoe - a green stiletto Louboutin - after Ryan totally refused for the umpteenth time to tie her up and humiliate her by yelling, "Miss Goodie goodie girl, illegally blond, Reesie girl, does goodie goodie bad girl need a naughty naughty spanking?"

"I was fed up with his coldness, being ignored, all his stupid cards and candlelight dinners. I was done. My new husband knows how to treat me right. He ties me up every night, which is the foundation of a good marriage. I made damn sure of that before he signed the pre-nup."

The newlywed Mr and Mrs. Witherspoon enjoy their private time. "We work hard and play hard…and I do mean hard."

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