London, England - Paisley Andrews, an astrologer with a royal cosmic gripe, says she's looked at Kate's chart and knows the truth.
"She's a typical C-word….no, not THAT one… the other C-word: Capricorn. Actually, Capricorns are c**ts so the two words are interchangeable. Capricorns, mainly the females, are like Pringle potato chips - they're all alike."
So how did Paisley reach her negative astro conclusions about the Cappy born folk?
"My best girlfriend in school was a snobby, scheming b-word, yes, that b-word, and a Capricorn, who went on and on about wanting to be a queen and a fashion designer and making men crawl on the floor and lick her black shiny boots while she whipped their backsides with a riding crop and rode them like ponnies."
But does one bad experience with a Capricorn mean they are all snobby, scheming dominating little freaks?
"If it had only been one, I'd make an exception. But it's a pattern. Just look at Carolyn Bessette, JFK Jr.'s Capricorn wife. Can you say, "social climber"? She planned that sheeeeeeeeet. These girls all want to be queen. Queen Capricorn of the Freakin World!"
Any more examples? Isn't this just jealousy? Sour grapes and all that?
"No, I'm not jealous! There's lots and lots of Capricorn females, just waiting for their chance at power. They start planning in their nurseries, before they can walk. They're all alike and I hate them. I won't be friends with them. They are bad bad evil women."
Miss Paisley admits she's been under a doctor's care for her anti-Capricorn fixation but "you mark my words. This girl is trouble."
Any advice for Prince William?
"Yes….be afraid….be very afraid…."