Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 26 April 2011

image for Robert Pattinson Reveals Some Shocking Behind-The-Scenes Insights About His New Movie "Water For Elephants"
Rosie The Elephant who starred in 'Water For Elephants.' (Photo courtesy of Piper Palin).

CHICAGO - The star of the Twilight movies Rob Pattinson and his Water For Elephants co-star Reese Witherspoon were in Chicago promoting the highly touted circus themed motion picture which is set during The Great Depression.

In the film RPattz stars as Jacob Jankowski, an animal veterinarian with the Benzini Brothers Circus who takes care of all of the circus animals and makes sure that they all have their rabies shots, their measles shots, and plenty of whiskey to relax them after each performance.

Witherspoon stars as Marlena July, the astoundingly beautiful star of the show who works with horses and later with Rosie the elephant, who was purchased at a flea market in Detroit for $7.

Marlena's husband August July is the circus animal trainer and he brags that in 19 years he has only been bitten 27 times.

At first August has a hard time trying to get Rosie to perform any tricks. So he has Jacob test her hearing and finds that her hearing is perfect.

Jacob then checks her tonsils since elephant trainers and veterinarians know that when elephants have inflamed tonsils it causes a slight blockage in their auditory canal that leads from their throat to their ear chambers.

But Rosie has normal tonsils for an elephant of her gender, age, build, and personality.

After half a dozen other tests including the Rorschach Inkblot Chart Test, the Simon Snickerly Smelling Test, and a pregnancy test Jacob determines that the reason Rosie does not respond to his commands to sit, speak, and roll over is because Rosie is Polish and she does not understand English.

So Jacob tells August to start giving her trick commands in Polish and voila, Rosie suddenly turns into Lassie, but only 90 times bigger, heavier, and without the dog collar.

Instantly August has her fetching a stick, standing on her trunk, and dancing to a John Philip Sousa march "Across The Danube (Opus 36)."

Pattinson said that during the movie some of the extras used to sit around the set and actually drink with Rosie, who he revealed can put away the whiskey like no other animal he has ever seen and that includes Wendell the Wonder Woodchuck, Larry the Laughing Hyena, and Gabby the Gaboon Viper all which appeared in the films Little Ashes, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.

RPattz also revealed that four of the clowns in the film were actually prisoners incarcerated at The Hopalong Cassidy Correctional Facility (Prison) in Calabasas, California, who were out on a work-release program.

He said that the movie viewers could not see it, but the clowns all had iron ankle shackles, which they managed to cover by wearing clown outfits with especially wide legs.

Six Calabasas prison guards stood guard off-camera with double-barreled shotguns.

Rob pointed out that Rosie's stunt double was actually a male elephant named Bruce who had no problem passing for Rosie since he was kind of on the effeminate side.

Pattinson also noted that the circus fat lady was actually Carrie Fisher, who wore a blonde wig and a turtle neck sweater and who insisted that she did not want to get billing in the movie credits.

Fisher stated that she was only doing it for the money which she said she was going to use to enroll in one of the most highly prestigious fat farms in the United States, The Calories Be Gone Plantation in Valdosta, Georgia.

During Reese's circus performances and her scenes with her husband and Jacob, Marlena never wore any underwear. She shyly said that after getting one of the most horrific wedgies in her career while she was sitting on top of Rosie she decided to perform sans undies.

Pattinson revealed that the bull hook that August used to poke Rosie was actually made out of duck feathers and that all it did was tickle her and as a result the film's editor had to edit out Rosie's giggles.

Water For Elephants is one of the best circus films ever made. RPattz said that it is even better than I Got Your Trapeze, The Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus Clowns Sure Do Smell Funny, and Yes Billy, Animal Poop Does Smell Like Hell, Now Finish Your Popcorn, Cotton Candy, and Wiener-On-A-Stick.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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