Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 25 April 2011

image for Will Smith and Rapper Jay-Z To Remake "Annie" As Ghetto Little Orphan Annie Version
There's a reason "rap" and "crap" sound so much alike

Actor Will Smith and Rapper Jay-Z are teaming up to produce a remake of the successful stage and film version of the story of comic strip character "Little Orphan Annie." The original film, "Annie," was released in 1982 and a made for television remake was presented in 1999.

Smith wants this to be a starring vehicle for his young daughter, much as he recently remade "The Karate Kid" for his young son. When asked if Smith's daughter wanted to make the film, Jay-Z said "if she don't want to make this movie and make me more millions, I slap the little bitch upside the head."

Will Smith said that his inspiration for doing this was "The Wiz," which was a black version of "The Wizard of Oz." "Everyone knows that The Wiz is one of the greatest movies ever made, and that is passed by that stupid, white version in every aspect of the film. My daughter and her movie will make everyone forget about that dumbass redhead girl."

This film will differ from the original in that it will be more edgy and "ghetto" in the depiction of the sweet, young, optimistic, bright, infectious, smiling orphan.

One of the songs, "It's a Hard Knock Life for Us" will go through a change in the lyrics. It will become "It's a Hard Knocked-Up Life." Other music in the film will also change. Instead of the positive, upbeat "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow," Annie will sing "Yo, Yo, Yo, Bitches, the pimp be drivin' here tomorrow and shit!" Another song change will be "Let's Go To The Movies." In this version, they will sing "Let's Go To The Crack House!"

Miss Hannigan, who ran the orphanage for little girls in the original, becomes the madame for a house of underage prostitutes in this version. Instead of being played by the highly talented and erudite Carol Burnett, the part will be played by polar opposite Rosie O'Donnell.

Daddy Warbucks, the billionaire jet-setter who adopts Annie at the end of the original, will become Sugar Daddy BigBucks, a rapper who puts Annie up as his "teen love bitch" in a fancy condo.

Instead of a dog named Sandy, Annie's pet will be a rat named "Ruffie" (named after the pills Mrs. Hannigan slips her girls when they don't want to cooperate with a John).

In the original, there is a reward offered for finding the original parents of Annie. In this version, no black man is willing to take a DNA test to prove parentage because they don't want to pay child support for the girl "unless she put out."

Smith plans to have the "family, feel-good" movie in theatres in time for Christmas. Oprah Winfrey has already stated that she plans to attend the premiere showing at the White House with the Obama family.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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