FORT LAUDERDALE - Charlie Sheen's Traveling Dysfunctional Carnival Sideshow and Ego Booster Tour aka My Violent Winning Torpedo of Truth Vs. The Losing Trolls of Lies Tour rode into Fort Lauderdale, Florida minus one of "Carlito" Sheen's two goddesses.
Natalie "Natty" Kenly was backstage, but Rachel "Bree" Oberlin was no where to be seen. A spokesperson for the man who calls himself "TigerBoy" at first said that Miss Obelin had stayed behind at Sheen's Sherman Oaks Mulholland Estate Mansion known as Casa Jose Cuervo due to a bad case of tonsillitis.
But Bedroom Pillow Talks Summersetter Faxx revealed that the truth of the matter is that Rachel Oberlin was actually staying at the Redondo Beach home of a cousin Sindee Sepulveda, who is a Los Angeles Laker Girl.
Sindee said that her cousin had just gotten tired of Sheen's constant non-stop babble. She said that "Bree" recently told her that she had never known a man (or woman) who could use so many damn words to say so effen little.
Oberlin recalled that one time while her, Natty, and Sheen had driven to a Burger Bandit in Pomona that Charlie talked to the drive thru employee for 10 full minutes and all he really said was that he did not want onions on his burger.
She said that the poor employee had to listen to Charlie go on about the high price of gasoline, Donald Trump's stupid looking hair, Jon Cryer, the reality show The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, and Sarah "Peckerwood" Palin's female hygiene problem.
Oberlin said that the last straw was when Charlie told her that he wanted to see her and Natty French kiss each other while he ate a bowl of Cap'n Crunch Breakfast Cereal.
In geographical news. The state of West Virginia is seriously considering passing state legislation to change its name from West Virginia to the more politically correct Upper Virginia.