The Venice Police department announced the arrest of Lindsay Lohan for the theft of Kim Kardashian's vagina!
Apparently, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian were partying hard at Lohan's beach house in Venice. The next morning, Kim Kardashian, woke up to find that her vagina was gone. She immediately reported the theft to the Venice Police Department who began an investigation.
"Man, this was such a bizarre incident", said Sergeant Hard-Up from the Venice Police Department. "I have been on the force for 20 years now and I have never seen anything quite like this. I guess you just have to be careful of all of you possessions now-a-days. Just don't let any of your personal belongings hang out where anybody can get their hands on them".
When asked how they implicated Lohan for the theft, Sergeant Hard-Up replied: "It was from Paris Hilton, who had told a lot of friends that when she visited Lohan at her Venice beach house to bury the hatchet. She and Lohan were swimming in the nude in Lohan's pool. It was at that time that Hilton noticed that Lohan had two vaginas. Hilton was very upset over this because that meant that Lohan could have 4 men at once, while she could only have 3. When she asked Lohan how she got the extra vagina, Lohan responded that she bought it on E-Bay for twenty bucks".
When Hilton mentioned that E-Bay is not allowed to sell vaginas because they are human body parts, Lohan responded"
"I put a bid on an item that was named "A really hot pussy".
Apparently, Lohan has been charged with felony theft, although Lohan's lawyer disagrees.
"This is outrageous; the vagina that she bought was worth twenty bucks which is way below the amount that is a felony theft. Good lord, it isn't like Kim Kardashian's vagina hasn't seen a bit of action".
Kim Kardashian says otherwise; "Who is everybody kidding, my vagina is worth a whole lot more than twenty bucks babeeeeeeeeeee! As a matter of fact, Linday Lohan's vagina is not worth any near as much as mine. So give it back to me Lindsay!"
While Lohan seems to be intent on keeping Kim Kardashian's vagina, E-Bay has opened its own investigation into how Kim Kardashian's vagina got on E-Bay.
"Dang", said E-Bay millionaire bidder I-Gotcha. "Does this mean that my purchase of John Holme's penis is void? Geez, there goes swinging that thing and knocking baseballs out of the park, I guess that they are going to take that away from me too!"