Written by Honey West
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Sunday, 24 April 2011

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William And Kate On Their Way To New Home In Malibu

Malibu, CA - The royal newlyweds have just purchased a 20 room beachside home in California where they will live and raise their family, far from the cold, damp weather of England which they both despise.

Prince William explained. "I hate drafts, just like my mom did. Among her many lifetime goals was the total elimination of drafts in those awful old houses my dad and grandmum forced her to live in. She saw the need for heat. " Kate nodded enthusiastically. "I can't stand drafts, either. William and I have that in common. We want warmth, sun, sand and surf."

Both agreed that "England is no place to raise a child", and believe Malibu to be the perfect lifestyle that will fit them like a glove.

"Most of our friends are already in Malibu , anyway. We are so "over" the UK. It's okay, but what can you really do there? Plus, with the Internet, William can work anywhere. He doesn't have to be there. We're modern people. He can commute back and forth as necessary."

William and Kate symbolize the new breed, the new blood flowing through the veins of the royal family. Unlike centuries past, when leaders had to actually live in the countries they governed, that's no longer necessary. Webcams, teleconferencing, and mobile technology make "on site" governance an old fashioned concept.

Their neighbors in Malibu will include the royalty of America such as Tom and Katie Cruise, Jennifer and Mr. Marc Lopez, Lady GaGa and whoever she's hooked up with, and a panoply of other glittering people who will welcome the young couple with open arms and some really "off the hook" parties.

Gwen Zen of Zen Realtors said, "Malibu has been the spiritual home of countless royals and surfers alike. William and Kate are simply carrying on that tradition. And they got their beach house for a steal, $2.5 million, well within their budget. That is, if they had a budget, which they don't, being super wealthy!"

The happy couple will be moving just as soon as they can get themselves out of cold, dreary, depressing England.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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