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Thursday, 21 April 2011

image for Daybreak (with Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley) to receive major NVQ award
This man could just as easily be running ITV or RBS

ITV's flagship TV morning programme, Daybreak, is in the running for an award despite audience numbers taking a hammering over recent months.

Presenters Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley - or "grumpy and the giggling airhead" as they have become known by an adoring public who adore other TV programmes - are alienating viewers more quickly than George Galloway attending a Bar Mitzvah.

Adam Dozier, the chief executive of ITV who was brought in because of his lack of television expertise, second only to his lack of knowledge of the Royal Mail, said that things had become bad when a member of the public asked if Christine Bleakley was also feeling grumpy, to which Adrian Chiles replied grumpily "it's none of your business what Christine does in the privacy of our dressing room."

However, Mr Dozy was delighted with their special TV award NVQ - or Negative Viewer Quotient - to celebrate their audience dropping from a peak of half a million to a few sad gits weeing themselves while waiting for Jeremy Kyle or Tricia to discuss the finer aspects of some metal-studded, tattoed morons' 14 children by different women before he reached the age of 25.

Adam Dozy said that as viewing figures for Daybreak had dropped from half a million to minus 23,000, he was happy to allow them to accept the award. He self-congratulated himself for doing for ITV what Fred Shred had done for banking.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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