Written by Honey West
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Wednesday, 20 April 2011

image for Jennifer Aniston To Strip For Environmentalists
Green is what it's all about

America's Sweetheart, Jennifer Aniston, will be doing a charity striptease show at the newly renovated Stripper's Museum on Hollywood and Vine. While this is quite a departure from Ms. Aniston's squeaky clean goody goody image, she feels so deeply on the subject of green, eco-friendly ideas that she's willing to bare it all in front of a roomful of wealthy leering men to make her point.

"I'm a little nervous but I think I can pull it off!"

Jennifer's hairdresser, Tanya from the Zen Design Studio For Lovely Thoughts in Beverly Hills, will use only organic avocado and sesame seed products to create a one of a kind look. "Not a single drop of carbon based chemicals or aerosols will touch Jen's head. This is a 100% eco friendly strip show."

Jen's favorite gay man and best friend in the world, designer Juan Trebiano, will be whipping up an edible costume in his own kitchen. "This is the first time I've really had the opportunity to get involved in ecology and earth-friendly wardrobe creation. Jen's G-string will be made of kelp and sea salt. The lovely irridescent greenish yellowish tones fit perfectly with the Green theme of the evening. I'm tingling just thinking about it!"

Is Ms. Anniston fearful that her strip show will destroy her nicey nicey boring persona?

"Not at all. If something is for a good cause such as saving the future of the Earth, which this is, I'm all for it. I don't think I will ever be considered anything but boring, not matter what. So, it's all good."

The big question is: will Brad Pitt be in attendance? Friends say no. Jennifer's performance is on a Wednesday, which is Brad's only night away from his 15 children and he's damn well not giving it up, even to see Jen strip wearing nothing but kelp and sea salt. However, he wishes her well, saying via his publicist in Romania that he is "very proud of her obvious dedication to planet Earth", and hopes she does not suffer a wardrobe malfunction in which nothing comes off.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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