LONDON - As Queen Elizabeth continues to make the final preparations for the upcoming April 29 Royal Wedding she was asked by members of the press covering the highly prestigious event about some of the invited guests.
The queen replied that out of the 1,900 Royal Wedding invitations that she had personally mailed out herself that she had received a total of 1,891 RSVPs.
She noted that she will most probably be calling the nine who have not as yet responded to what is being billed as The Queen of All Weddings (no pun intended).
The queen who looked extremely tired said that she has hardly slept due to the hundreds of little matters that go into the preparations of such a monumental undertaking, not which the least was the compiling of the wedding list.
She did pause long enough to say that obviously out of the 1,900 guests most are going to be sports figures since England, as everyone knows, reveres soccer or football as it is called in the United Kingdom and considers it to be as much a part of the English way of life as curtsying, old castle exploring, and Cheryl Cole bashing.
The queen reached into her Royal purse and took out a Royal name list that had the names of some of the sports figures who have said that they will in fact be in attendance with their wives and/or girlfriends.
Some of the more notable names on the list include Florent Malouda and Didier Drogba of Chelsea, Dirk Kuyt of Liverpool, West Ham's Frederic Piquionne, Arsenal's Marovane Chamakh, Tottenham Hotspur's Rafael Van der Vaart, Newcastle's Kevin Nolan, Bolton's Johan Elmander, and the player who Queen Elizabeth herself has told Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan, and Russell Brand is her favorite footballer Chicharito of Manchester United.
Queen Elizabeth stated that when she first started compiling the list several months ago the two names that came to mind immediately were Chicharito and his stunningly gorgeous Colombia girlfriend Shakira.
The queen said that she has always admired Shakira so much because any woman who can shake her hips at speeds of up to 124 miles per hour has her utmost admiration and respect.
The queen looking her usually dapper self dressed in her favorite colors of gray and raw umber remarked that she has been so busy running here and there making all of the last minute arrangements that twice her crown has actually fallen off.
She half Royally giggled and remarked that one day last week her queen's crown actually fell completely off striking a commoner who was standing outside Buckingham Palace taking photos.
Lilabeth, as Fergie, The Duchess of York calls her, said that she was so embarrassed that she offered the commoner identified as Nigel Winston Twitseyshire, 87, her autograph, a photo of Prince Philip in a green swimsuit, £5 [$8.20 U.S], and a £10 [$16.40] gift certificate good towards the purchase of some Mickey D's McCrumpets.
It is reported that Mr. Twitseyshire was so thrilled that he promised to vote for the queen in the next election. The queen informed him that she does have to run for re-election as she is queen for as long as she feels like being queen.
Twitseyshire, who apparently is missing a few crayons from his Crayola Box simply replied that he really and truly feels that she would make a great president, prime minister, or emperor whichever the case may be.
The queen was so amused with Mr. Twitseyshire that she offered him the position of being the official Royal Family Court Jester.
He thanked her but added that he already had a job. The queen inquisitively asked what he did for a living and without missing a beat Nigel Winston replied that he was a pilot for BOAC.
Queen Elizabeth turned and hurried on her way.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Of course everyone knows BOAC, the airline that took the Beatles to America in February of 1964, no longer exists as it merged with British European Airways Corp. in 1974 and became British Airways.]