A serious accident occurred yesterday on the set of an adult movie starring Dick Ramrod, one of the most popular hunks in the porn world.
Unbeknownst to his fans, Dick has had a private problem for several years which until today anyway, he's been able to keep hidden. His secret: he doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.
As one might imagine, the inability to distinguish one type of hole from another can have extremely confusing, not to mention painful repercussions for a porn star. Knowing your holes is almost a prerequisite for success in the adult film industry.
Mr. Ramrod had been working non-stop since early morning on his latest flick entitled, "Dick and Candy Do Dallas" and had been putting in a lot of overheated overtime. His co-star, Candy Kane, was totally unaware that Dick didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground and was as shocked as anybody else when his secret came out.
Candy says, "Actually, I did sorta suspect that he didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground but I didn't want to say anything to hurt his feelings. I'm glad the truth is finally out there!"
The ER nurse who spoke to reporters about Dick's condition said that he will recover but it will be a long....um.....hard... road back. "I really think he should find another line of work where holes don't matter so much. From a medical point of view, there's quite a lot of difference between an ass and a hole in the ground and if you go mixing the two up, as Dick unfortunately did this morning, you will find yourself in a world of hurt." She declined to describe exactly what Dick's injuries were but said, "It's not pretty, that's all I'm authorized to say about it. Besides, Dick's agent will break my kneecaps if I go into more detail, so I'm gonna leave it at that."
In reality, the condition is not as rare as one might think among porn stars. Many of them do not know their ass from a hole in the ground but manage to control their symptoms with medication or other forms of specialized treatment that only they know about and keep strictly to themselves among their inner circle.
The physician who treated Dick says the condition can be compared to dyslexia and anyone suffering from such a mixed up, confused affliction needs to stay far far away from the adult film industry. Nuff said and excellent advice, doc! Hang in there Dick, we wish you all the best!