Written by Honey West
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Topics: Movies

Monday, 18 April 2011

image for Respected Film Professor Fired, Students Claim, "He Made Us Watch Old Stuff!"
A Winged Robot For Serious Film Students

Los Angeles, CA - Professor Leon Brensky, a well-known professor at the University of Southern California Film School has been fired after students claimed he forced them to watch hundreds of movies from the 1960's.

One student, known only as "Julie", said Professor Brensky specifically told her she would receive an "F" if she went to see the movie "Avatar" or any film containing 3D effects or blue creatures with tails.

Students were in the quite difficult position of having to wear masks and disguises to see current motion pictures in their local community.

One girl stated, "If we'd done what he required, we'd have been completely cut off from the modern world. I won't do that just to get a good grade. I have morals. I have standards as a serious student of film."

Professor Brensky was often overheard by colleagues grumbling under his breath, saying, "There hasn't been a good movie made since 1969".

In an interview with the campus newspaper, he said his favorite films involved "real people without tails or pointed ears" and "stories with a beginning, middle and an end. No damn flashbacks! Stop the flashbacks! They're making me crazy!"

His remarks and clearly unstable mental state should have raised a red flag at that time, but the university chose to ignore his rants.

During the semester, students estimate that they were forced to watch over 200 films from the 1960's, with such titles as "The Graduate", "In Cold Blood", "Bonnie and Clyde" "Dr. Zhivago" and "It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World."

Cynthia Penney, one of Professor Brensky's teaching assistants, spoke up for her fellow students. "I was born in 1991. I've never heard of any of these old movies and neither have any of my friends. Who in the world is Faye Dunaway? Or some guy named Omar Shariff? It's insane! I asked around and no one ever heard of these people. This Dunaway person hasn't been in anything 3D or fantasy that I know of. We just got sick of living in a time warp with this guy. He was a 1960's bully. I mean, it would have been different if these had been well-known movies, but they're so obscure. Who is he kidding?"

The last straw came when the blockbuster multi-trillion dollar epic "Avatar" was released. Apparently it was one blue, pointy eared and tailed creature too many for Professor Brensky and that's when he snapped, issuing the Avatar ban to the students.

As he was led away from his office kicking and screaming, he was heard to yell, "Score one for real people! Flat people! No 3D! No Tails! Back to emotions! Love! Glory! Viva Faye Dunaway and Natalie Wood!"

After his noisy removal and completely unprofessional behavior, the students breathed a collective sigh of relief. Finally, they are ready to get serious about the art of the cinema.

"There's a cool professor that we've lobbied the university to hire for a long time and now it's finally going to happen. He's into transformers, robots, blue fairies and creatures that fly around and also Jennifer Aniston, because she's a super good actress unlike this Faye Dunaway person. Finally, we're back in the 21st century and can study film as it was meant to be studied….in 3D."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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