Written by Noddy Bigears
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Monday, 3 October 2005

image for Queen allows US Version of ‘Sin City, a Right Royal Shambles' to be Broadcast Live by Paris Hilton
The steaming scenes from the live broadcast are expected to make viewers eyes water as the Royals cook breakfast for their guests

Queen Elizabeth II, England, has offered to cook up hash browns, eggs and steaming hot coffee as part of an offering to allow the US Good Morning America Breakfast Version of ‘Sin City, a Right Royal Shambles ' to be filmed live in the Palace in a hope to promote tourism to Britain again. The US special version directed by the Royal American, Paris Hilton will feature Charles and Camilla re-enacting dramatic and important scenes from their secret lives in various grand rooms around the palace.


Paris Hilton also co-stars as a kitchen maid as well as showing several other bit parts and has offered the Duke of York an opportunity to appear in a special scene making home made bread in the Palace kitchens called ‘Pumping the dough by hand again'. Her availability was unexpected as she had been making a video in Greece called ‘A Big Fat Financial Wedding Ship' but unfortunately for her and Paris Latsis, her co-stars' parental control backers capsized the deal screaming hysterically after screening some of her previous internet videos that she might be better off working the docks rather expecting to be an artiste in the white wedding scene in the tragic Greek shipping film script.


The inside story of the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla starts right at the beginning of their first meeting in the Polo stables back in 1979 when Camilla offered to clean his balls and muck out for Charles' before the match. Apparently, Charles initially blushed at the offer of Camilla mucking out his pony but was absolutely delighted with the final results of all that scrubbing on her hands and knees, so much so, he promised her ‘an open house' to polish his balls whenever she wanted. Sadly, things were not to be as Charles was sent into the Navy to finish his leadership training washing himself the entire length of various huge vessels out at sea for day after day.


Camilla, sadly, never ever expecting to tug lovingly on Charles' polo stick or cheekily toss his balls again, or indeed, help pull out his highly strung pony, drifted into an arranged marriage to pay off her convent school fees. Likewise, in this romantic opera, Charles was literally lost at sea with grief and loneliness, and oncoming ashore, chose the first nanny he met as a substitute for his forbidden lost cleaning lady. Meanwhile, Charles' nanny was desperate for her little Prince to treat her as a Queen, but it was not to be as Charles mourned only for his first lost flower, Camilla.


However, there was hope at last as Major James Hewitt entered the hopelessly empty love nest teaching Diana to ride the most thrusting of steeds including his own stables most demanding thoroughbred stallion. This excellent training eventually allowed Diana to master the pursuit with even the hottest blooded Egyptian steeplechase breed, the Dodi Al Fayed.


At last, with nanny initially occupied with her own training course and later to be written out of the script completely in one final dramatic European steeplechase at the Paris racecourse, Charles and Camilla were free to seek each other out and secretly choose finally their own bread making machine and watch in fascination as the fermenting dough of their own success rose in front of their eyes in preparation for a farcical slightly white wedding to be followed by a snug cuddle with breakfast in bed including toast, strawberry jam, tea and the live cameras of the US Good Morning America show directed intimately beneath the royal outer covers by co-star, the Royal American artiste, Paris Hilton. All the actors will be strictly expected to wash their hands before preparing for their live broadcast breakfast show.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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