Erin Moran, the scary clown-lizard actress that Happy Days creator Garry Marshall passed off as sexy for years, has devastated the penis-wielding public from coast-to-coast, when a leaked video of her faking an orgasm while a cast member of Celebrity Rehab.
"Dig if you will a picture," said TV mom Marion Ross. "It's 1982; Ronald Reagen is President, Olivia Newton-John's Let's Get Physical was just released on LP, cassette, and 8-Track, and Joanie Loves Chachi was heating up Nielsen boxes nationwide. "
"Now picture Scott Baio's trailer. Erin's drinking Cutty Sark out of a jelly-jar, and he's balls-deep inside her, "Ross continued. "Suddenly, it all comes to a head; Chachi bucking frantically, the smell of passion and Chlamydia discharge hanging heavy in the air. Suddenly, Scott Baio's eyes are blitzkrieged by the very same visual that appears in the video clip."
"The video has a property heretofore unseen in useless viral videos," said Dr. Marvin Monroe of the Youtube Treatment center in Rancho Cucamonga, CA. "Not only does it render its viewers temporarily unable to achieve an erection, but it's mere existence seems to have affected men in a five-mile radius, not unlike an electromagnetic pulse."
"I knew she was a bit out there," said The Fonz, Henry Winkler. "But in a sweet way. Not that her sweetness prevented her from being passed around like a joint at an Insane Clown Posse show.
"I am disturbed by the video, however, and the effect it has on men," continued Fonzie.
Some things you can't un-see."
Winkler also claims that he was not affected by watching the video: "I think it only works on straight men. I am so gay I fart glitter."