Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 12 April 2011

image for Kirstie "Bad Luck" Alley Has A 'Footwear Malfunction' And Loses Her Left Dancing Shoe On 'Dancing With The Stars'
The left high heel shoe (R) that Kirstie Alley lost during her Dancing With The Stars 'Footwear Malfunction.'

HOLLYWOOD - In the twelve seasons that Dancing With The Stars has been on the air there has never been a celebrity dancer who has had the bad luck that Kirstie Alley is experiencing so far this year.

Last week her partner Maksim "The Ukrainian Kid" Chmerkovskiy dropped her when Alley's thighs pushed down against Maksim's right upper thigh.

Chmerkovskiy, gallantly took the blame telling the news media that he had gotten a cramp in his thigh and that is why he and Kirstie both fell.

One of the world's foremost experts on dance cramps Mantovani Oxtiffton from Iceland stated that in his 40 year career as a dance cramp consultant he has never seen any professional dancer get a crap while performing during a live telecast.

Oxtiffton stated that the pro dancers do get cramps but it is only during extended rehearsals after they have been dancing non-stop for ten hours or more.

In the latest episode of DWTS viewed by over 30 million people Maksim grabbed Kirstie and slid her across the dance floor, which was waxed beyond belief.

In the process of Alley being slud, slided, or sluded (pick one) across the floor her left size 12-DDD red high heel shoe came off.

Kirstie scrambled to put it back on and amazingly did not really lose a dance move although it did take her about three seconds to put the shoe back on.

Afterwards Kirstie told the shows host Tom Bergeron that she feels like Jessica Simpson must have felt two years ago at Dallas Cowboys games when team owner Jerry Jones and most of the Cowboy fans believed that Simpson was actually a jinx who caused the Cowboys to lose every game that she attended (9).

Maksim blamed it on what he referred to as a 'footwear malfunction.'

Judge Bruno Tonioli confided to professional dancer Chelsie Hightower that he warned Kirstie about using one of last week's eliminated contestant Wendy Williams old discarded dancing shoes.

But even with the 'footwear malfunction' Kirstie and Maksim managed to score more points (22) than Sugar Ray Leonard and his partner Anna Trebunskaya (21) and Kendra Wilkinson and her partner Louis Van Amstel (18).

Meanwhile the producers of Dancing With The Stars are not at all happy at the fact that talk show host Wendy Williams has printed up about 10,000 T-shirts that read, "The Reason I Got Eliminated On Dancing With The Stars Is Because None of The Judges, The Hosts, or The Professional Dancers Are Black!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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