Written by Gail Farrelly
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Tuesday, 12 April 2011

image for Pointy Ears Is Latest Plastic Surgery Craze; Star Trek's Mr. Spock Furious
The ears have it. Points, glorious points!

Step right up to the operating table and get your pointy ears. Yep, that's right. Forget about big boobs or a perfect nose. It's elf ears that people are demanding these days.

Mr. Spock isn't happy about it. Not at all. "These folks are a bunch of copycats, expecting fame and fortune," he's been quoted as saying. "The unofficial patent for pointy ears belongs to me, and me alone. Woe to those who forget that. A pox on their house."

He's getting support from Santa Claus, who complains that many of his elves are out of work on medical leave, getting -- you guessed it -- pointy ear surgery. "Nearly all of them are whining about something," Santa says. "The complaints are all across the board: Their ears aren't pointy at all. Their ears aren't pointy enough. Some say their ears are too pointy and they need point reduction surgery." Toy production is way behind schedule, Santa says, and Christmas may be late this year as a result.

Spock has some advice for all lovers of pointy ears. Instead of risking your life in a hospital operating room, head over to the nearest dollar store and buy a plastic pair of Spock ears. "Or," Santa says, "ask for a pair in your Christmas stocking."

Meanwhile, veterinarians report that even dogs are stepping up to the plate for pointy ear surgery. The breeds with pointy ears want to get rid of them; those without them want surgery to acquire them. The editor of Today's Doggie Doings has commented, "That old proverb, the grass is always greener, definitely applies to dogs as well as people."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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