In a poll conducted by Mori (Maurice Flanagan, a farmer from Co Monaghan in Ireland to give him his full name), it has been firmly concluded that Frankie Boyle, the self-styled funny Scottish comedian, is not even the remotest bit funny, although he is quite Scottish.
For the first time ever in this authoritative poll's history, the subject has achieved a minus score. The last time anything a dramatically negative was achieved was the answer to "Who do you find the least human", when President Haveno Dinnajaket, George Galloway and the Taliban went head to head with the Clangers and Sesame Street's 'Animal'.
The poll sought the opinion of over 300,000 people, and all the Welsh, Indians, Pakistanis, Muslims, Jews, Australians, Canadians, Jehova's Witnesses, Mormons, Americans, Chinese, Canadians, Quakers, Asians, Japanese, Irish, Catholics and Protestants polled returned a total aggregate score of -3 for Mr Boyle's comedy, humour and funniness.
In fact, according to the "other information you'd care to add" box, the majority of people polled didn't actually realise Mr Boyle was a comedian. Or even funny for that matter.
Mr Boyle as said to be ******* ******, and that all the ****** could ******* for all he cared.