Written by Noddy Bigears
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Thursday, 29 September 2005

image for Prince William's portrait on show eclipsed by novel painting of Prince Charles and Queen Camilla
Camilla was desperate to demonstrate her passions including the arts

Sadly yet again, total farce has descended on the Royal Family just as the British public hoped and believed that the endless saga of the monarchy's endless ridicule would just fade away. Prince Charles was secretly bitter that Camilla had been excluded from the new series of Royal portraits and clandestinely commissioned infamous New York artist, Babi Yetti, to prepare sketches and subsequently dedicate himself to the couple's portrait.

Babbi Yetti is believed to be famous in New York for his cunning portrait representations that reveal part of the perceived inner self in his subjects. His work is considered progressive but yet at the same time reflective as well as using gaudy colours to intrigue and tease his audience. He explained his choice of colours and techniques for this latest absolute masterpiece, "Camilla's red handbag represents her cunning perseverance in hanging on for all those years in the closet relationship whilst her orange hair is symbolic of her flaming burning passion for Charles and his private quarters." He purred as he continued explaining "Charles is represented by his blue waistcoat, this is symbolic of his need of freedom from reform whilst his white shirt implies but also denies his regal purity, his drawn grey face describes his inner turmoil in trying to create an acceptable public image following the publication and broadcast of his "inner thoughts" but simultaneously torn internally by his needs and urges to explore the extreme carnal pleasures originally forbidden by his family dynasty due to the fact that he is also a direct blood relative of the original Camilla Slapper family."

However, John Wonnacott, a famous British artist opening his own exhibition of Royal portraits at Agnew's gallery in Mayfair, London laughed when asked about Babbi Yetti. "He was just another New York conman advertising on the internet, poor Charles was duped again into sending his private pictures over the internet and paying $19.99 for the first portrait proofs." He exclaimed "I mean Damn, Damn & double Damn, won't that guy ever learn to conduct himself with a bit more decorum and good sense, no wonder everybody dreads the idea of him ever becoming King Tampax, I mean King Charles." He said in anguish, "Even my enormous professionalism was pushed to the limit in the original sketches, I just tried so hard to capture his personality, yet when I reviewed the sketches in the evening later, I had just captured abstract articles and these included outlines of gigantic ears, a sanitary towel with a huge nose, organic cucumbers as well as the strange man dressing up in skirts whilst caressing a polo stick between his legs."

The portraits by John Wonnacott have all been reserved by a mystery buyer before the sale even began, Royal portrait experts strongly suspect the purchase to be on behalf of Prince Charles' estate such that at a later date, Queen Camilla can be added to the portraits in a last ditch desperate attempt to rewrite history again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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