Today in Celebrity Gossip, we're talking balls! That's right, our papparazzi have been busying snooping and snapping and bringing you the latest scrotum shots of the stars.
Exciting gossip for fans of the Royal Wedding. Prince William's sack was photographed at a recent banquet, and it's good news for his fiancee Kate Middleton. It appears he has rather a large pair of testicles, although one of them is inexplicably larger than the other. I bet Kate can't wait to be teabagged by those whoppers.
Meanwhile, Stephen Hawking's former nurse (with whom he had an affair) has sent in photos of the Professor's gonads. It seems it's not just his IQ which is high. He has a third testicle nestling in between the other two, and can apparently produce superhuman volumes of spunk. No wonder the boffin can't walk!
Sad news though for Elton John. A recent pic of him in his local sauna reveals a bizarre scar running across the side of his rather disappointing nuts. An unusual sexual injury? Or perhaps the result of a scrotal botox for the vain ex-musician?
That's all for this week. Tune in next week where Prime Minister David Cameron and Deputy PM Nick Clegg give us an exclusive joint interview, and we hide cameras in the toilet to sneak a peek at the bollocks that run the country.