Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 7 April 2011

image for Dancing With The Stars And American Idol Face The Axe
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And that's not all - the future of X-Factor USA also appears to be in doubt, and neither Cheryl Cole nor Simon Cowell is to blame.

Sitting in a comfortable leather upholstered swivel chair, Ryan Seacrest declared that the problems permeating the shows were myriad, but then he zeroed in on crap journalistic coverage in the media as the primary cause behind the cuts.

Covering his go-lightly's with a well manicured hand, Ryan smiled and stifled a giggle as he winked suggestively and informed reporters that there was no way on the good Lord's green earth that he had ever allowed his careless hands to 'accidentally' caress the lady bumps or doo-dads of Lady Gaga, Paula Abdul, Eric Idle, Michael Palin or even George Foreman.

Ryan also categorically stated that he had never, at any stage gone skinny-dipping with Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Ann Coulter, Judge Judy, Oprah Winfrey, or Anne Robinson out of The Weakest Link.

In addition, Seacrest, reading out from a hand written statement by Simon Cowell said that his close amigo Si, had never, not even effen once used the frickin' eff word which actually means 'fuck' on live television at any stage in his ten year career. Although he did apologise for launching Susan Boyle on an unsuspecting public.

Then, speaking on behalf of a clearly emotional Ryan Seacrest, Miley Cyrus made an appearance, wearing a skimpy mustard yellow bikini which gave her the approximate appearance of a toasted Big Mac with extra pickle and juicy lettuce leaves.

"These shows are facing the axe because of unduly negative and suggestive journalistic coverage, some of which had even gone so far as to hint that Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had gone frolicking under the boardwalk along with Emma Watson and Rupert Grint."

Before anyone present could successfully nail her mouth shut, Miley Cyrus went on to say that Anna Nicole Smith is dead, OJ is banged up in prison, and rightly so, Oprah is considerably richer than most people, and Kirstie Ally is a bit on the podgy dollop side.

All the while with significant portions of foliage from her lady garden protruding beyond her bikini line. As she added that singing legend Sir Elton John is probably a bit of an uphill gardener who bowls from the pavilion end with a .44 Magnum tucked down his skin tight cowboy style Levis.

No microwave ovens were hurt in the preparation of this article.

More when the sun rises over the San Andreas Fault.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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