Charlie Sheen has decided to take at least a week off from touring to spend some time in Newby Village on the Isle of Wight.
He's read a lot about the Isle of Wight and the villagers who make it their home and is keen to get away from the Rat Race to 'collect his thoughts' (not that he'll manage to do so as they are so scattered, he'll need an army of sniffer dogs to sniff 'em out).
Local Mayor, Arthur Askme, (YES he is still 'in office' having superglued himself to his office chair) said,
"Well, we don't really know who this Charlie is but we received thousands of begging letters - many including large cheques, from people on the mainland and, indeed, from around the World, to invite him here for a week - even longer if we can handle him.
"We're not too sure what his problem is but we did hear that even The Priory Clinic in London, where Susan Boyle went to 'rest', wouldn't take Charlie. They said they just don't have staff trained to cope with 'the likes of him'.
"He CAN'T be THAT bad surely!
"Well, he is very welcome to come here and stay as long as he wishes.
"We have a room ready for him at Mrs. Piccolo's B & B and we are drawing up an itineray for him so that he won't have a chance to be bored.
"Mr. Charlie has offered, out of the kindness of his heart, to perform for us in the Community Centre. Apparently he has a 2 hour show and I heard tickets are selling for hundreds of pounds in other parts of the world...and yet he's doing it for us for FREE. Isn't that super??"
When asked if we could visit the Isle of Wight at the same time as Charlie Sheen in order to film a Documentary of his visit, Mayor Arthur Askme was only to happy to agree to our request.
Charlie Sheen was approached and asked to comment on the upcoming visit to the Isle of Wight. He said,
"Numpty Pumpty dithery do. That's nothing to do with you. Hide and Seek is what I need and I'm going to my garden to find some weed. If you need more - cats and dogs really don't like toads and frogs.
"Now picking my nose and rolling the snot....get out of the way or I'll be flicking the 'end result' at you - you moron."
We will bring you more on this IF and WHEN the 'event' takes place.