Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 5 April 2011

image for Sheen Punks Detroit but Fans Beg Him to Return
One bag of rotting tomatoes and eggs with each Sheen Show ticket purchase.

Charlie Sheen opened his "I'm out of a job and need a gig" comedy tour in Detroit to an unexpected but resounding set of audience initiated "Boos". Though Sheen offered a few carefully chosen four letter words about the city and his audience the following day, Detroit fans experienced a change of heart and now want the charismatic entertainer back for another show.

Former political pundit turned personal assistant to Sheen, Hugh Jabelli tells reporters, "The Detroit crowd was a bit rough actually, but Chicago went much, much better. We were surprised but excited about the opportunity to return". Jabelli noted that with the success of the Chicago show and the sold out performances at other venues, the next Detroit visit would be triple the previous ticket price.

"And that's exactly the kind of response we expected", says Detroit venue planner and former GM autoworker Ken Axelrod. "But, we're anxious to show Mr. Sheen just how we feel about him. Purely as one brother to another who is a bit down and out, trying to get back on their feet, clean up their act and start over. Detroit has a lot in common with Charlie Sheen".

Sheen was reportedly touched, or as touched as a guy like Sheen can be, over the show of support from a town he had just verbally harpooned. Jabelli had already begun making arrangements for a return to the Motor City by the time the Chicago appearance had been wrapped.

Axelrod wouldn't say too much about plans for the new show either, but did comment, "Well, it might be a little harder for Sheen to find an exit from the stage this time, and we are planning to include a full bag of formerly fresh produce and a few palm sized dairy products at each show with each ticket purchase."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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