LOS ANGELES - At a sold-out show in LA, a drugged up man, dishevelled, ranting and raving, turned up on the stage before Charlie Sheen did.
"I know comedy touring is the new rock band," said one punter, "but having a shitty support act isn't going to help here."
Apparently, the man, whose name was Charlie, was on cocaine and alcohol, and was spouting random nonsense about how the world was against him.
We had sent our sole American reporter all the way from Manhattan to witness the Charlie Sheen show,
"It was shit," she said. "The people paid for him [Sheen], and they got some lout. If this is who Sheen has for a support act on his North American tour - the most highly paid TV actor in US history - then that is just weak. No amount of Adonis blood and whatnot can fix it."
"We didn't even get to see Sheen," she added.
She had an all-expenses paid trip because she slept with the boss. Fucking boss. Well, that's what she did... oh... errr...
Anyways, Sheen was unavailable for comment. When we went to his home, we found the same druggie support act at the door.