DETROIT - Charlie Sheen, the man with no show, no real friends, and really no clue opened up the first stop of his Charlie Sheen's My Violent Winning Torpedo of Truth Vs. The Losing Trolls of Lies Tour before a sell out crowd of 4,300, 4,289 who were booing at the top of their Michigander lungs.
At first Charlie "Showless" Sheen thought that the crowd was booing the fact that the Detroit Pistons had been beaten by the Chicago Bulls, but he soon learned that it was not the case as he could see the audience members mouthing the words, "Charlie sucks," "Charlie is a loser," and "Sheen the crazy ranting fiend."
Charlie took the stage at Detroit's famed Carburetor Coliseum at 9:00 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time), 7 p.m. (Warlock Time). And the boos started raining down on the stage at 9:01 pm.
He started off with his anti-Chuck Lorre La Brea Tar Pits story but the boos became so bad that he stopped before he even got to the part where Lorre fell face first into the tar.
Sheen then decided to switch over to his anti-Jon Cryer story but again the boos became so loud that he frustratingly stopped before he mentioned about Cryer's winky wink enhancement surgery.
And he did not even think about starting his story about the extremely overweight Conchata Ferrell's labia majora reduction.
And then Sheen decided to focus his insults on the audience. He asked how many people in the audience had recently traveled back to Africa for their high school reunion. The booing soon reached record-breaking decibel levels.
And when he yelled out the three reasons why he will never date a black girl the audience actually started moving toward the stage. Luckily for him, the Carburetor Coliseum Security staff is made up of 20 young husky individuals who could give the Detroit Lions a run for their money.
Sheen was grabbed by his ankles and wrists and physically taken off the stage before the crowd, which was now incensed beyond belief, turned the ranting lunatic into a human pinata.
When told backstage by a representative of the production staff that had booked him that all 4,300 people in the audience wanted their ticket price refunded Charlie told him to tell the people to write to Rush Limbaugh and that he would be glad to refund their money.
Sheen was led away in an armored car and driven directly to Toledo, Ohio, where hardly anyone has ever heard of him.
Detroit's Carburetor Coliseum will begin a $7.3 million renovation process in May and when finished in October of 2011, the seating capacity will increase from 4,300, to 4,317.