Written by dutch
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Friday, 1 April 2011

image for "Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?" Lionel In Frame To Replace Cowell on X-Factor
"Hello,Is it Richie You're Looking For?"

Television bosses are in crisis talks with Simon Cowell and are desperate in 'wrapping' up who will be judges on the UK X-Factor.

Desperate TV bosses have attempted to bribe Simon into continue to commute by private jet between LA and London.

In a last ditch attempt to 'get' Cowell to cooperate they have suggested he be a judge via satellite link.

Cowell however, is having none of it and says he has 'no intention' in returning to the ailing "UK X-Factor'; which he and Cheryl abandoned last year like rats leaving a sinking ship.

As a 'sweetener' Cowell has tried to get his 'mate' Lionel Richie to stand in,to replace him in his role on the X-Factor. Other names which are being bandied around are Michael Buble and Rod Stewart.

However, all Cowell's celebrity pals are wary that the X-Factor could 'bomb' and turn into an embarrassing 'turkey' which will tarnish their unblemished images.

Richie is said to have said, "Hello, Simon, it's not me you're looking for". None of Simon's really famous, celebrity pals want to be associated with the X-Factor which is said to be 'dead in the water.'

UK television bosses are desperate to 'rejuvenate' the X-Factor but nothing short of a influx of talented celebrity can rejuvenate it.

Cowell has said, "No one wants to commit to such a camp, interminable, bore of a show. If you can't stand people it can be like hell committed to being on a show for three months at a time with them."

It would appear that Cowell will stop at nothing to sever all ties with the 'lame duck' show which he has come to see as his nemesis.

Louis Walsh has said that 'The X-Factor is coming apart at the seams; and without Simon Cowell it will totally unravel into disarray'.

Cowell is expected to fly back to LA by private jet later this day after having, had 'tough' all-day talks with the TV bosses who are finding him impossible to negotiate with. One said, "When a guy is as wealthy and as powerful as Simon Cowell is there are very few chips on the table which are of any real worth and the stakes are considerably raised."

If they are still undecided who will be presenting the show it is in danger of being axed altogether.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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