Written by Harold Q. Fuey
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

image for SuBo fanatics stage Quiltethon!
Phone a pledge. Please!

Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies are today staging their 24 hour live Quiltethon.

The Quiltethon, broadcast live on the 'Happy Clappy Channel', will raise funds for the fanatic's next invasion of Blackburn, SuBo's hometown, due to take place next week.

"We hope to raise a fortune to send our fanatics to Blackburn! We will have 24 solid hours of quilting, patronising quilt stories, praying, quilt blessing, more quilting, more praying, sing-along-a-SuBo, and even more patronising quilt stories! If we have any money left over, we'll buy Susan another over-priced crappy gift she doesn't really need!" boasted a chief fanatic.

The event, now in its 15th hour, has so far raised just $12.34.

"It seems our patronising quilt stories sent most of the audience to sleep within minutes, so nobody ever got around to phoning in a pledge," grumbled another chief fanatic.

"We think it may also be due to the wealthy husbands strike. It appears the fanatic's wealthy husbands have had enough and locked their credit cards away. Without those, the old dears with red scarves are basically broke," sobbed the Quiltethon producer.

"Don't panic, our chief quilter will be reading her acclaimed story 'Quilty goes to Blackburn' at 4am, so we expect a surge of pledges!" said a nervous looking fanatic.

The Happy Clappy Channel, available on satellite channel 847483048, regularly draws an audience in the tens. "We had over 100 viewers tonight! A new record for us!" said a station executive.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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