Written by Harold Q. Fuey
Print this
Topics: Susan Boyle

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

image for SuBo fanatics stage Quiltethon!
Phone a pledge. Please!

Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies are today staging their 24 hour live Quiltethon.

The Quiltethon, broadcast live on the 'Happy Clappy Channel', will raise funds for the fanatic's next invasion of Blackburn, SuBo's hometown, due to take place next week.

"We hope to raise a fortune to send our fanatics to Blackburn! We will have 24 solid hours of quilting, patronising quilt stories, praying, quilt blessing, more quilting, more praying, sing-along-a-SuBo, and even more patronising quilt stories! If we have any money left over, we'll buy Susan another over-priced crappy gift she doesn't really need!" boasted a chief fanatic.

The event, now in its 15th hour, has so far raised just $12.34.

"It seems our patronising quilt stories sent most of the audience to sleep within minutes, so nobody ever got around to phoning in a pledge," grumbled another chief fanatic.

"We think it may also be due to the wealthy husbands strike. It appears the fanatic's wealthy husbands have had enough and locked their credit cards away. Without those, the old dears with red scarves are basically broke," sobbed the Quiltethon producer.

"Don't panic, our chief quilter will be reading her acclaimed story 'Quilty goes to Blackburn' at 4am, so we expect a surge of pledges!" said a nervous looking fanatic.

The Happy Clappy Channel, available on satellite channel 847483048, regularly draws an audience in the tens. "We had over 100 viewers tonight! A new record for us!" said a station executive.

Make Harold Q. Fuey's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 plus 1?

6 14 4 18
45 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more