Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 30 March 2011

image for Heidi Montag And The "Bachelor" Brad Womack Caught "Tongue Fu Diving" At Rob Pattinson's "Twilight" Party
Heidi Montag says that she is saving up her money to have cute little dimples put on both of her ear lobes.

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - The star of the Twilight movies Rob Pattinson recently threw a "Twilight" party for several dozen of his best friends and one of those friends was Heidi Montag.

Montag has recently taken somewhat of a bad rap on account of the fact that within the past two years she has gotten a total of 38 medical procedures done.

Some of these include having her big toe slenderized, a tongue reduction, nipple coloring, a uvula circumcision, sphincter tightening, both ovaries enhanced, and her vagina vajazzled.

The reality television personality (slash) singer looked upbeat in her brand new beehive hairdo that she said was created by the hair stylist to the stars, FuFi Fondue of Beverly Hills.

Fondue, who was also at RPattz party, told a reporter for Bedroom Pillow Talk that it took him three hours to create and style Heidi's hairdo exactly the way he and she wanted it.

FuFi, whose name is Dutch West Wakaboonkian and means 'swan who spreads her wings and flies toward the nearest beach at unimaginable speeds of up to 59 miles per hour,' remarked that one of the other hair stylists in his salon, upon seeing Montag's beehive hairdo commented that it looked somewhat like Amy Winehouse's beehive hairdo.

Fondue exploded like Mt. St Helens Volcano screaming out that Winehouse unlike Montag is a brunette, she is horribly skinny, she can't hit the upper range high notes, and she has the most hideously ugly-looking tattoos this side of the ex-Mr. Sandra Bullock, aka Jesse "Dick With Feet" James.

The hair stylist identified as Joey "Jolene" Van Coulee apologized to Fondue but was told to pack his combs, his hair dryers, and his Cover Girl make up and leave the salon and go straight to the Beverly Hills Unemployment Office as he had been fired.

Meanwhile at the party RPattz remarked to Heidi that he thought that her beehive hairdo was 'Beeautiful.'

According to BPT a few minutes later Heidi hooked up with this year's "Bachelor" Brad Womack who had gotten his dysfunctional ass dumped by the flaky Southern girl Emily Maynard.

Summersetter Faxx of Bedroom Pillow Talk has interviewed both Womack and Maynard and she stated that both are about as mentally stable as a bomb shelter made of bamboo.

Faxx later noted that she caught Heidi Montag and Brad Womack in one of the back bedrooms and the couple was sensuously embraced and both were clearly engaging in a steamy bout of 'Tongue Fu Diving.'

BRT reported that afterwards Montag confessed to Miss Faxx that although Brad is not the best kisser she has ever kissed he did keep her giggling with his endless supply of 'knock-knock jokes.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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