Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: American Idol

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

image for American Idol's Casey Abrams Is Thrilled At Being Nominated For An Emmy For His Recent "AI" Performance
Paris Hilton was to perform on American Idol but then someone realized that the bitch doesn't sing.

LOS ANGELES - Casey Abrams, the American Idol contestant who is the first to ever appear on the show with a 'stand up bass' is ecstatic at the fact that he has been nominated for an Emmy Award.

Abrams was notified by certified mail that The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences had decided to enter his 'end of show' acting job in its "Best Acting Scene From A Music-Based Reality Show."

Reporter Fauna Goobergarden, with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune, noted judge Randy "The Dawg" Jackson slipped up royally and let the 'cat' out of the bag with his third rate remark when he said to Casey after he had began singing the so called 'Sing For Your Life Song, "Hey yo yo stop da music y'all - Casey there's no need for you to sing dude, American got it all wrong. The American voting 'dawgs' voted ta vote you off, but me and da gorgeous Jennifer Lopez and da semi-good looking Steven Tyler really don't give a flying flip about what da dedicated and devoted viewers of our fabulous show think because we are going to override, veto if you will, their silly decision."

And with that Casey gave the performance of his life and actually the performance of the entire history of American Idol.

He hollered out really, really, I'm not going? Randy are you telling me that you, Jenny, and Stevie are gonna go against the wishes of the devoted American Idol viewers dawg. Is that what I'm hearing come out of your dawg mouth?

Jackson screamed back that yes since the viewers who watch American Idol apparently do not seem to know fantastic talent, he and his fellow judges who know everything about music, talent, songs, pitch, and 'drama' are going to use their one and only "Save Card" on him.

Casey turned as white as Nicole Kidman with a bad case of the flu. He jumped up on the judges table and started dancing what looked like "The Macarena," or at least that is how Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest described his little dancing jig tune.

The shows microphone's did not catch it but "La Tush" Lopez was heard by the audience members to tell Casey to get his funky jive ass, off the table and stop acting like a cross between Tom Cruise on The Oprah Winfrey Show and that 'Winning' loser Charlie "Showless" Sheen.

"Lips" Tyler was especially upset as Abrams had stepped on his copy of The Rolling Stone and had actually torn it.

An audience member, identified as Kiki Lili Gigglebrewster, 9, told 5T's Fauna Goobergarden after the show, that when security finally pulled Casey off of the judges table that Liv Tyler's daddy turned to Jennifer and asked if it was too friggin late to change his effen vote.

And so Casey Abrams is one lucky singing 'stand up bass playing' fella. But one thing that the judges and the contestants have to remember is that the viewers who actually pay money to vote for their favorite contestants do not appreciate the judges throwing it in their faces that they (the three judges) think they are better than the money paying viewers.

The Tinsel Town Times Tribune reported that the day after The American Idol Judges Doctrine, sales of Jennifer's CDs dropped by 19 percent, sales of Aerosmith CDs (Tyler's band) dropped 17 percent, and sales of the Randy "The Dawg" Jackson Bobblehead Dolls dropped 93 percent!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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