Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 28 March 2011

image for Kid Rock 'Rocks' The American Idol Judges With His Way-Out-Of-Line Insulting Remarks
Kid Rock's favorite hat which was given to him by Elton John (but not in a gay way).

DETROIT - Kid Rock has just assumed the role of The Big Bad Wolf and fired off a salvo at Little Red Riding Hood.

And in this case Little Red Riding Hood is represented by the American Idol judges, Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson, Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez, and Steven "Lips" Tyler.

Kid Rock, whose real name is the plain vanillaed Robert James Ritchie spoke with a reporter for Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine.

He had just finished performing at a local Armada Inn in Corktown before a crowd of eight (8) people. Three of which were employees of the Armada Inn.

Kid Rock, or Bobby Jimmy, as his grandmother, the tobacco chewin', beer chuggin' Gladys Bertha McSnickerbong, 91, calls him, said that the three AI judges are really nothing more than glorified bullies who falsely raise the hopes and dreams of kids who once the season of AI is over will never be heard of again.

Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest said that it is an unwritten law that no one really talks about that 'after' American Idol aspect which he disclosed is referred to by the shows producers as The Tatiana Del Toro Doctrine, aka The Allison Iraheta Doctrine, aka The Sanjaya Malakar Doctrine.

Randy Jackson was the first to respond to Kid Rock's comment. He said that first of all the kid at 40 ain't no kid, anymore than Roseanne's ex-TV husband John Goodman is an anorexic resident of Harlem.

He went on to say that Rocky's problem is that the boy simply does not know if he is white or black, or if he wants to be a hip hop singer, or a rock gospel singer, or a country rap music singer.

Jennifer Lopez chimed in and asked and just exactly what the hell is up with that stupid jive ass looking hat that he always wears. It looks like something he stole from Boy George's closet thirty years ago for goodness sakes.

Lopez added that she heard from one of "Kiddy Boy's" close friends that no one likes to ride in an elevator with him because the booze fumes emanating from his pores are strong enough to wilt a California redwood.

Steven Tyler jumped in adding that Kid Rock may be 40 but the homeless-looking, pale, Eminem-wannabee, SOB looks like he could be 60.

Tyler said that Booby Jimmy prides himself in being a rip rap singer but in reality he is nothing more than a riff raff singer who could in all seriousness not even be a backup singer for William Hung, the American Idol 'novelty' singer of several seasons ago.

A reporter for Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine caught up with Kid Rock who was performing at a grand opening of a Kentucky Fried Chicken Restaurant in Bugskuffle, Tennessee, but the sarcastically arrogant Bobby Jimmy refused to talk.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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