REDONDO BEACH - George Lopez sat on the sand in Redondo Beach, wearing a pair of blue and gold El Lay Lakers swim trunks and a lavender T-shirt with the words "The Grand Canyon's Just A Big Old Arroyo (Creek)" in big red letters.
As he spoke with LaTuna LaTundra of The Tinsel Town Times Tribune he kept looking around nervously.
When L.L. asked why he was so worried he whispered that he had seen where Kirstie Alley, who is appearing on this year's edition of Dancing With The Stars, had twittered that if she sees him out on the street his skinny little matador butt is going to be hers.
She went on to say that she was also going to lock her jaws onto his cinnamon colored skinny little girl thigh and not let go until the police arrived or he passed out.
Lopez really and truly regrets having called Kirstie a pig. He later tried to soften the blow by saying that everyone knows she is not a pig because pigs go oink-oink and Kirstie only goes 'pass me the ho-ho's'
George, who at times suffers from the same cruelitis affliction that Gilbert Gottfried and 50 Cent also have, confided to 5T's LaTundra that there are two things in this world that literally scare the hell out of him.
One is the thought of Sarah "Crosshairs" Palin living in the White House and the other is the sight of Kirstie Alley's great white jaws wrapped around his skinny ass East Los Angeles thigh.
LaTuna LaTundra is thrilled to report that George Lopez has bought three dozen red tulips imported from Holland and he will present them to Kirstie Alley at a local Burger King as a peace offering at her earliest possible convenience.