Written by Inhopeless
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Monday, 28 March 2011

LOS ANGELES, CA - Mattel, one of America's biggest toy companies, have created a new toy for their 'Celeb' line of toys.

The toy, which has a scale of 1cm to 5cm, means the toy is 35cm tall (just over 1ft), and has many of Charlie's greatest phrases, including 'I'm on a drug called Charlie Sheen', 'The run I was on made... Jagger... and Richards look like droopy-eyed armless children'.

"The toy will sell well with anti-Sheenites and pro-Sheenites alike," said a spokesman. "We predict sales of 200,000 units worldwide by next Monday."

The toy will be sold at all good stores in 15 countries, including Tesco (UK), Walmart/ASDA (US/UK), and others.

Already the 'No to Drugs' campaign has bought 20,000 units to burn as effigies, and Gwenyth Paltrow has bought 200 for 'the fucking hell of it'. Countless numbers of hipsters have bought hundreds for the 'ironic lulz'.

Mattel is famous for making 'Action Man' and 'Barbie', will this be a great hit?

"Well," said a spokeman, "if this fails, it all fails. But we have a plan B. Linsey Lohan dolls."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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